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First Love
August 9, 2015
Child of God's boundless mercy
Is that I?
It's me and so many more
The one God cried for
Sent His only Son to die for
I came to You, trying hard to believe
You could really love me
It hurts to say I left You and went away
Left You like a daddy leaves his child today
Because I couldn't feel You
Couldn't feel You hug me
Couldn't hear You say You loved me
But I could feel him
Could feel him hug me
Could feel him say he loved me
But then he left me
The way I left You
Did You once feel the way I do?
Oh, Jesus, are You heartbroken, too?
© Jonathan C., Tracy, CA
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION
This article has 8 comments.
futurista12 ELITE said...
on Aug. 13 2015 at 11:37 am
Hey, do you know of any way to edit already published work?
futurista12 ELITE said...
on Aug. 13 2015 at 11:35 am
That's what I was thinking. Thank you!
futurista12 ELITE said...
on Aug. 12 2015 at 10:52 am
Believe me, none of this is done purposely. I just write what comes to my head. You seem really good at writing. What do you think about me interchanging the line "Left You like a daddy leaves his child today" with "Left You like a little lamb going astray?" Please reply. Thanks!
I'm not Christian, so I often find that it's hard for me to relate to a lot of the religiously-themed poetry on this sight, but this one struck a chord. It's ingenius--the parallel you've drawn and the way you end your thoughts with a question directed heavenward. You've perfectly captured an incredibly relatable experience, the struggle with understanding religion and love, especially how they clash and intertwine. It's beautiful, but more importantly, heartfelt. And on a quick editing note, the repetition definitely works :), but I'm not sure how I feel about the metaphor of a father leaving his child. Aren't you the child, at least for the purposes of this poem, and aren't you the one who has left? It's more confusing than clarifying in this context, for me. Maybe find another comparison to draw?
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Favorite Quote:
"And though she be but little, she is fierce."- Shakespeare