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I Was Dead
Disconnection
I am not here
I am not alive
My body is there, but I am somewhere else.
I was put away in the accident
The person I was disappeared
But my new ugliness has reared the face and I am no more
Disappearance
I can barely even remember her
Them, anyone
I am new, and blank
My slate, and mind, and memory
It is terrifying
I am simple
What if the girl never comes back?
I'm now a true monster inhibiting a vacant body
It's still vacant, even though, the thing inside of me is here
Because really, I am gone.
The girl who once lived is no more
She died a few weeks ago, and her body just hasn't caught up
A game of catch up, that she'll play forever
Forever exists, it goes until our body goes along with our mind
The car glided into me, a swerve, and she was gone
Her eyes opened and she couldn't feel or remember
Things were different, and bad
Pain and numb
Numb numb numb
I thought I was numb before
I never imagined it could be experienced in such magnitude
On such a scale
Literally, mind blowing
Brain-dead
Soul-dead
Gone
The pain and problems are gone
The smiles and times, dismissed
I do not miss it
Because I am not the same
Those do not belong to me, whatever I once had
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During this time, it felt like I had died in the accident, my soul was gone, but I was left on earth with an empty shell. The worst time of my life. I wasn't sure if I would ever be ME again.
I did, eventually. I recently found this poem from that time period, and I don't remember writing it. I suffered terrible memory loss.
Here you go.