You threw me a round a bit, back then.
Almost like a merry-go-round,
Fast.
Faster.
Spinning—
And then,
You stopped the journey abruptly,
Flinging me to the ground,
The momentum
Of our clandestine love
Halted
For at least one moment, the truth revealed.
You see,
Sometimes I knew how you hated me
While you kissed me,
And yet how did it matter, when I was so enraptured
In you?
I those moments, I remembered briefly
The bruises on my neck and arms, by your hands,
And then there was the pocketknife and the
Cuts,
Afterwards,
Self-inflicted misery, self-hatred, and worse of all,
The thought that maybe
When all is brought to light, when I finally see you,
I really will be worth
Nothing,
And the lies and secrets—the love we shared—
Will be flung to the dust
With me,
And I’ll be left to lay in my own
Addiction,
And my moth-eaten depravity.