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The Traveller
May 23, 2013
The arc of leaves slowly fell
On the deserted path.
The traveler bravely stood
On the aftermath of the battle.
Colors rained from the sky
Painting the world a view
Of the year leaving and
The year to come.
The traveler bent his knees
And knelt there
Amid destruction and formation
Of the world and
Its inhabitants.
The ground sighed,
Slow and sweet.
But none shall answer
For none shall hear.
But the traveller,
The fighter,
The artist,
The savior,
Poor man of all names,
Each holding its own regard
For its own abilities,
Is feeling the end come again.
A lock of hair
Falls flat on his forehead,
Limp as his heart
And the leaves above.
As the traveller of many titles
Falls to the ground in a heap
To end the battle and
End time.
© Joseph S., San Anselmo, CA
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This article has 45 comments.
RoyalCorona SILVER said...
on Feb. 5 2014 at 3:06 pm
Thank you!
RoyalCorona SILVER said...
on Feb. 5 2014 at 3:05 pm
Thank you so much! I'd love to read some of that book series that you were talking about!
This is incredible! Incredibly well written and paced- your description and details are wonderful and really create a picture in the readers mind. The traveler reminds me so much of a character out of a book series I'm currently working on- it really makes me want to go write, haha. Loved it! Five stars!
author_musical PLATINUM said...
on Feb. 2 2014 at 3:25 pm
Interesting. It feels more like a poem than the prequel, but I enjoyed both. Its really deep and interesting. It could use some mention of the people who took him...
RoyalCorona SILVER said...
on Jan. 31 2014 at 4:51 pm
Thank you! Yeah, I read it today and feel like it could do with a bit of a re write. Thank you for both the criticism and the nice words! I love it when I can do more with my work!
RoyalCorona SILVER said...
on Jan. 31 2014 at 4:50 pm
Thank you! I love getting replies!
Your imagery and rhythm is great, however, I feel like there is something missing... I also read the prequel before this but I'm still not getting the whole story. Maybe if you made either one long poem, or a series of poems that lengthens the detail/plot, that would really help to get the story out. It might be in your head, but reading the poems, it doesn't communicate entirely. Your visual descriptions are superb, though, honestly - I just wish there was more of a story behind them! It would be great if you worked more on this and extended it - I would really love to read it. :)
theblondechick GOLD said...
on Jan. 26 2014 at 3:34 pm
This is amazing. Again, I love the imagery. I love the message. I just love everything.
EmmaClaire0823 GOLD said...
on Jan. 12 2014 at 11:14 am
I'm glad to help. I hate to ask, but I've posted a new forum "The Foam of the Roar (Need Feedback Quickly)" and like it says, I really need some feedback soon on it. I only have a few more days and I need to finalize it.
RoyalCorona SILVER said...
on Jan. 11 2014 at 6:33 pm
Thank you!
EmmaClaire0823 GOLD said...
on Jan. 11 2014 at 5:29 pm
This was wonderful. I loved it very much. I don't really have any complaints at all. Fantastic.
RoyalCorona SILVER said...
on Jan. 11 2014 at 8:41 am
Thank you so much! I love Doctor Who and had written this before watching it but now kind of see the similarities. Thank you so much!
Carly_Elizabeth PLATINUM said...
on Jan. 10 2014 at 8:39 pm
The description in this poem is definitely making me jealous haha. You definitely have a very thoughtful tone. I can tell that you are one of those people who sees everything from another perspective and that is awesome. I love this poem because it reminds me of the Doctor (from Doctor Who, if you havn't seen it it's definitely a must watch) But I really do love this. Keep up the great work!
RoyalCorona SILVER said...
on Sep. 27 2013 at 5:43 pm
Thank you!
RoyalCorona SILVER said...
on Jun. 14 2013 at 6:04 pm
Thank you so much!! But, could you elaborate on what you mean by soulful? I've never really grasped the definition of that word.
RoyalCorona SILVER said...
on Jun. 5 2013 at 4:13 pm
Thank you!
Cillaeboyrd BRONZE said...
on Jun. 5 2013 at 2:53 pm
Wow. That's deep; really enjoyed it!
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