They stare into a mirror
my three 'Me's-
Fat Me
Depressed Me
Strong Me.
Every day
every moment
a war, a struggle
for the pedestal.
All of me wants to win
to be on top
but instead we rotate
like seats
on a ferris wheel.
Fat Me
comes when I ask for her
stuffing herself with treats
as she cries
beating herself up inside
eating to feel better
but in the end
only feeling
worse.
Like everything hurts.
When Fat Me wins
Depressed Me grows angry.
She wants to be better
than that.
She pushes the body
that holds my
three 'Me's
so Fat Me leaves
calories incinerated.
Where do they go?
Fat Me and Depressed Me fight
and burn
and sting until exhausted, they crash
and the body rests.
Depressed Me writes a note-
a list of calories and food.
It feels wrong.
When the sun rises
Strong Me rises from the depths
of our watery eyes.
She wipes the tears
and parades out to take her
first place ribbon
home.
She finds the note
to Strong Me
from Depressed Me.
Hate disguised and sealed
with a heart.
For a while
strong me reigns.
She runs.
She wins.
She
is
beautiful.
Like never before.
She is free-
Fat Me lies in the past
Strong Me believes she's
home free.
Then
Depressed Me takes a knife from the
kitchen counter.
The same one Fat Me
used two weeks ago
to cut
another
five slices of cake,
Depressed Me stabs Strong Me
in the back-
isn't that how it always
goes? So the cycle
starts again.
Fat Me takes over
while Depressed Me and Strong Me
wrestle on the floor.
Fat Me and Depressed Me are strong
especially together.
They force Strong Me
into a box
locked and dark
hidden
afraid
alone.
Her tears flood the coffin
drowning her-
she watches as Fat Me takes over
feeds Depressed Me with another
500 calories.
That makes 800 too many,
think Depressed Me and Strong Me
as one.
Fat Me
wins again.
Maybe tomorrow
Strong Me will escape her cage
like Houdini
master of tricks.
For now
my three 'Me's
argue and fight and dream
as one
for Strong Me to come out on top.