Wham! Kevin stormed into his room again. It was midday, and he’d just got off work. The sound was the shoe he’d thrown slamming against the wall. He did not bother to pick it up. He just slumped on his bed and buried his face in his hands. They ran wet, solely from the rain pouring on him outside and not the silent tears his eyes would never shed. He stood up silently, walked to his window, and surveyed the scene outside. It was dark, and overcast. A light but steady rain drenched the dreary campus. Kevin shut the window curtain quietly. He did not want to be seen in the state he was in. Everyone thought he was strong, tough! He wasn’t. He felt small and weak; defeated and friendless by choice. He’d pushed everyone away.

He slumped against the wall, emotional drained. No more tears would come, not even for his one friend, the poet. He’d gotten another message from him- or her- whatever it was. He knew every last word of it by heart.
From: [email protected]
Subject: Disappointed
Dear Kevin, I got your last letter
I am disappointed, three lines? I thought you could do better
When I say I hurt, I do not exaggerate.
You do not seem to get the point, let me elaborate.
I am gone, separated from my own family.
Alone, no friends are hear to handle me.
Today is worse, I lost my only job.
When, oh when will this feeling of worthlessness stop!
It helps me, you see, to have someone to talk to.
Even though you must think I”m crazy there”s more, I have a lot too.
I have pills in the next room, I”ve already written the note, I could just pop two!
It”s my internal voice that”s stopped me, it”s screaming for me not to.
I wish, someone, just one person when I”m gone would even miss me
But I”m alone, who would even notice if I went missing?
Why you, You ask? Even though you don”t know who I am
Because, dear Kevin, I know that you, and only you can.
-Anonymous
Kevin had not answered yet. He didn’t know what to say. He had problems of his own, but for some reason he could not block this person out like he had everyone else in his life. True, he hurt, but this person hurt worse and Kevin had already made up his mind he would do everything he could to help. “This person is so similar to myself,” he thought aloud.

Kevin smiled contentedly to himself as he began to pencil out on a jagged torn notebook paper a simple reply.
I am sorry I did not know what to write back. Idk, I guess you just caught me by surprise. I am ready though now, and I have to tell you that there is a God who loves you and died for you. Idk if your religious or not but I guess for me thats a little comforting. I am sorry to hear about you losing your job, but don’t think of it as the end because its not. It can be a beginning,a place to start over. Just keep an optimistic look and I promise things will work out. I don’t know why you chose me, but I am glad you did. In the end we all need a friend.
He shook his head. Did he even believe those words? He never sent that message.

The next day proved to be similar, though finally he got to enjoy a day off. The rain had stopped, but the biting cold had not. Michigan spring breaks were not always warm and cozy. Kevin pulled his coat tighter around him. Buildings of faded crumbling brick passed by around him, but he did not notice. He had seen the campus buildings often. He had only left the private warmth of his room to escape Trey who, of course, did not have to work either. Still, the cold almost forced him back- almost.

Kevin’s aimless route took him by old, long unused Building J and the campus’s rusted old vending machine. He stopped for a second, actually looking at it for the first time. Grey, corroded bars blocked the entrance of anyone who might even consider breaking into it. Kevin wasn’t quite sure who would even want to. It was so old and dead. Yellow paper with the single word “out” was taped over more than half of the beverages. Kevin put his hand into his pocket and felt for the dollar bill he knew was there. His last dollar. His eyes strayed back to the machine doubtfully. He and it weren’t much different. Dieing, broken, and alone, with few options left. He put the dollar bill into the machine, it needed it more than he did anyways. It spit it back out.

It was at this time that he first began to recall the third message from his anonymous friend.
From: [email protected]
Subject: Alone

I got your reply, this is what has to be said
Soon in this world we will all be dead!
Greed, greed… food to eat.
Fires burn as the children weep!
Clothes on our back, a roof over our head!
All this we need, but there”s more to be said.
Closeness, there”s something to be heard about kinship.
What is your life, because we all need friendship?
How have I lived so long with nothing to say
All of my friends I have pushed them away
Toil, toil rumble we stumble!
What sense in this world that it makes you so humble
But at least to the others got someone to stay
Me, I”m alone, I”ve already closed that gate!
Homie, I lied, for the second and third time
You know me, if only you dug deep inside
I”m here, deep down in your memory
Try hard, try hard! You just might remember me.
Kevin dear Kevin, I know you, you see
Question is, oh Kevin, do you know me?
-Anonymous

To Kevin, this one held a violence to it. It sounded so strained and pained. It burned with repressed hatred of the world. He could relate, but he was different. In fact, already his spirits were rising ever so slightly. The cold did not seem so cold, and a rare snow bird flew overhead chirping it’s cheerful song. He smiled his first genuine smile. Life was not as bad as he’d first thought.
Minutes later he returned back to his dorm. He entered slowly, calling “Trey” softly.
“Hey bruh!” came the ever cheerful response, “I picked up some breakfast if you want it.” Kevin looked down at the donut on the table. Sometimes Trey was annoyingly nice. “Thank you,” he said, inclining his head slightly towards Trey before he cautiously picked up his breakfast.

Later that night, he got the news. Darkness he knew. Blackness he was familiar with too, but happiness? Hah! whoever heard of such a thing! Luminous black walls of the night darkened campus walls seemed to close in on him as he stumbled through a puddle of murky water onto his mud stained knees further ruining his jet black suit pants. Even the sky was dark and moonless. Wild eyes behind equally wild tangled hair stared at hatred at this cold, gloomy world. Black, black! All he saw was death and blackness. Kevin just sat their on his knees feeling consciousness gradually slip from him as the pelting rain continued to poor down on him. His uncontrolled heart beat gradually began to slow. His head lolled and his body shuttered as he looked up at the starless sky. He still rested on his knees. Trey barely had time to catch up and catch him before he slumped over, unconscious. Out of Kevin’s hand he pulled a crumpled piece of paper. Scrawled in crazed scribbled lines were the words:
From: [email protected]
Subject: Broken
Dear Kevin:
Today my mother died
I couldn”t save her, no matter how hard I tried!
I”ve sat here screaming, but not outwardly it”s inside.
I KNOW it”s my fault, I KNOW I”m why she died!
You don”t understand how long alone I cried
For ME she gave her life, now it”s time for me to give mine!
I”ve already taken the pills, I can feel my body shaking.
Pulled out a gun, almost shot my friend too, quaking!
But I let him live, so he can live his worthless life.
Maybe he”ll be better, maybe he”ll live life right.
I drifted away, chasing the cars, money, and power
Forever that will go down as my own darkest hour
Me heart pounds without a beat, My legs run without feet
I lead a life of pity, full of the empty- defeat
Oh, and there is one other thing that I”m concealing see,
You must already know that I am you and you are really me.
-Kevin Jacobs

Kevin’s body shuddered and slumped back into Trey’s arms. Rain beat down on the two figures. One heart beat back.