Of course this isn't the entire thing! This is one fifth of the original draft, so it's roughly one tenth of the final draft, I believe.

Plenty of plot threads are left hanging in the first bit I have posted (as a way to entice readers and to have plotlines interwoven throughout the entirety of the novel).

Thank you for your comment :D

Ok first off i think it's a very good story idea. You took what could have been a cliche and turned it into something quite different and unique. On that note I will say that it's quite confusing at times and I was left thinking that this wasn't the entire novel because of the ending. Also it seems a bit short for a novel but then again this is comming from a guy who's reading Tom Clancy's sevenhundred page novels. There were a few grammar mistakes that I saw but as these are early drafts that is understandable. 
The proantaganist was quite interesting even though a reader may not be able to relate to him very well he was still interesting to read about. The mystery behind it all was quite good and kept it interesting. Although there were some confusing moments. 

Over all I like it, I think you can go places with it. As with all writing it will take time and lots of work but I think you could go far.

Thanks, I'm glad you've taken the time to check it out. I've stated earlier that the chapters currently posted are very early drafts (I recently found an email that dates the first chapter draft back to over a year ago) and it has been completely rearranged from the way it is presented here (you'll note there are even a few places where words have been left out, just another indicator of how old this draft is).

A lot of the first chapter's draft was also written before the story evolved beyond anything but a writing excercise--I'm aware of how apologetic it sounds but plenty has changed since then.

Continued. My comment was cut-off. =P I just realized it's longer than the actual chapter. Sorry about that.

I like the description of his friend Morty—how you go more for the background and personality than physical traits. It’s a big no-no to give a chunky description of another character the moment the MC sees them, especially in first person, so kudos for that.

I enjoyed the paragraph about adjusting to Project NOVA, but the first sentence is in present tense while the rest is in past, so I would suggest taking the ‘It can take months…..’ to ‘It could take months….’

‘Apparently, I didn’t need to know.’ <--That, that is probably my favorite part of the whole chapter.  Thank you for using the comma—it makes the sentence so much more dramatic and powerful.  ‘Apparently I didn’t need to know’ wouldn’t pick the same punch.

‘I don’t know a lot about him…’ The “don’t” should be “didn’t”.

‘I wasn’t quite sure I believed he needed them.’ The ‘I believed’ makes this sentence a little clunky. It being first person, we know it’s what John believes that we’re reading.  So it could just read ‘I wasn’t quite sure he needed them.’

Nice dramatic ending, although the ‘headline’ bit has been used in a lot of villain/cop movies.  Nonetheless, it’s a good first chapter ending.

However.  I checked the length of your first chapter—1,200-something words.  While I’ve seen worse on here, the problem with that is….1,200 words is approximately 5 pages.  Very few chapters, especially first chapters, are only 5 pages.  The typical minimum for a chapter is 2,000 words—and that’s a bare minimum.   Chapters can range up to 8,000 words.  He.ck, in Before I Fall, one chapter was over 100 pages, with breaks. While you don’t have to do that, I would recommend lengthening the chapter in whatever way you can so it at least hits the 2k mark.

Overall: Yes, I’ve been very critical. It’s just the way I am when I review pieces—I’m a Grammar Na.zi and I’m picky.  My goal is to help people improve, not sugar it up, and from talking to you, I think you can take constructive criticism. But despite most of the content of this comment, I will say this—so far, it’s very well-written.  A lot better than many I’ve seen on TeenInk.  I also appreciate the plot, different from many that are circulating the market nowadays.  Cop/spy/action stories are rising, and this would certainly fit well in that market.

I think this piece needs a little more cleaning up before it’s submitted to publishers, and when/if I get the time, I will try to Grammar Na.zi/critique the rest of the chapters you have up.  Also, keep in mind that I don’t believe anyone has ever been accepted on their first query letter, so if you’re rejected, don’t lose hope. Many have to try over 20 times before they get accepted.  There’s a certain art to query letters, formats you should follow.  You may already know better than me, but if not, feel free to ask for help with one when you complete this manuscript.

Good luck with this, and I will try to read more.

So, here I am. =D I’m a bit tight of schedule, but I wanted to give a return read for the lovely comment you left, and besides—I’ve meant to read this for a while.  Darn school. =P

First, I’ll comment on the summary.  You switch from present to past tense a number of times, and it’s rather confusing.  If you’d like, I could do an edit, putting all of it in past or present tense, whichever you’d prefer.

Also—it would be much better if the last sentence had a period, not an exclamation mark.  According to publishers, exclamation points can make books look very childish except for when absolutely necessary.  Dialogue is a different matter, but in narration, even in a summary, try to avoid exclamation points at all costs.

Chapter 1:

Starting off with dialogue is, again, not recommended by publishers.  Some books can pull it off, and yours is certainly not too bad, but it leaves the reader confused and is sometimes a slightly jerky way to start the story.

Also, dialogue tag punctuation.  It should be “I loved you, you know[,]” I told her…’  not “I loved you, you know.” I told her….’  Unless he’s telling her something besides the fact that he loved her and that is a separate action.

On the bright side, the beginning does capture the reader’s interest.  The ‘I loved you, you know’ has been used in other books, but starting off Chapter 1 with a pistol at the MC’s head is a good way to capture the reader’s interest.

Mm. So it was just a memory.  Interesting. At least it wasn’t a dream—beginning novels with dream sequences, however well-done, has become very over-used/clichéd. Good job side-stepping that minefield.  However, you stepped into another—first person description in a mirror.

That is, hands down, the most common way for first POV characters to describe themselves.  They see themselves in the mirror.  I know, I know, there aren’t a ton of ways to describe their appearance otherwise.  At least, not in one chunk.  But what authors typically try to do is spread it throughout at least the first chapter, maybe more. By the end of the first chapter we should know their hair color and eye color. Maybe skin tone. I’m sure it would be easy to work in the scars.  You try to work in  description so that it is showing, not telling, a great rule of writing.

On the plus side, though, I did enjoy your descriptions—he doesn’t sound like a normal MC.  You’ve made him different, and I applaud that.

Try and watch out for the ellipses—I know, they’re addictive, but too many ‘….’ can give a book an immature look. Three things publishers would really not like to see more than once a chapter—parenthesis, ellipses, and exclamation points.  So far you seem fine on the first and last, but watch out for the second.

The affection for his ex-wife is interesting.  I like his reasoning, that it’s a deluded love at first sight or some such.  However, the first two sentences of that paragraph didn’t make sense.  ‘How Fiona had ever married a guy like me, I’ll never know. No, what I didn’t understand about my attraction to Fiona was that my only memory of her had been an attempted homicide.’   You see, in the first sentence he’s saying he’ll never know how Fiona married a guy like him—and then in the second one he’s going ‘No, what I didn’t understand about….’ etc. That makes it seems like he understood something prior to this sentence, which is not the case.  I would suggest something like “What I truly didn’t understand about….’  Also, in the first sentence you have ‘I’ll’, which is present tense, and in the second one you have ‘didn’t’, which is past.  Since you seem to be predominantly in past, I’d suggest turning the ‘I’ll’ to an ‘I’d’.

Another thing I found odd was how he *knew* that the Project people liked him without his memory.  It just seems odd that he would know that they wanted a ‘blank slate’ to train and warp, and yet doesn’t seem to feel any alarm at that point, especially considering he just lost his memory.

The first chapter had an extremely interesting start which i really enjoyed:)

If you keep continuing writing like this, this will be a very successful novel.

Friday is here, and it's time for the second of my announcements (the first being the official SuperNOVA WEBSITE, FACEBOOK, AND TWITTER!)

Today's announcement is aptly titled "the schedule", but a much more appropriate name would be "the time table".

Friday, February 11: SuperNOVA manuscript first draft is HALFWAY COMPLETED.

End of March 2011: SuperNOVA first draft manuscript is COMPLETED.

End of April 2011: SuperNOVA final draft manuscript is completed.

Summer 2011: Boring agency/publishing conversation and paper pushing and marketing.

Fall 2011: SuperNOVA becomes available in stores and online for $9.99

All of these plans are currently tentative and I have yet to engage in formal discussions with a publisher (still waiting to see what TeenInk's plans are for print publication of novels), but rest assured I will make an announcement when things begin to become more clear.

NOTE: I have yet to contact any publishers or agencies simply because the manuscript is still a work in progress. I have the utmost faith in the novel and if its TeenInk success has shown anything, it's that the teen market reception is hitting an all time high.

Thank you for your kind words :D

The minimum is 2500 words, which can be in as many or as little chapters as possible.

I only have the first fifth (if that, after edits etc.) of my novel up now, and there's no pressure as to if and when I post the rest here.

When you submit your novel and it gets posted,  be sure to let me know :D

Wow! You are an amazing writer and I couldn't stop reading it. I love your writing style so much and the plot : )

I have a question. If you want to publish a book on TeenInk, do you have to put up the whole thing, or just a few chapters?

Oh, and I really like the title too!!

(They key words in the above announcement is the link to the OFFICIAL WEBSITE! which can be found on the facebook page)

There is also another announcement coming this Friday, one, there's been a lot of speculation about this one, it's not The "BIG" Announcement (that is probably a ways away, I still have to talk to publishers and stuff) but it is more of a hype announcement, a progress report of sorts. But it's not something you'll want to miss!

I'm having some technical difficulties making today's announcement, so here is a URL-free version.

SuperNOVA now has a facebook page. From there you will see likes to Twitter and our official website.

The marketing has just begun!