Paragraph I: Early Troubles


When I was growing up I was misunderstood, secluded, and socially awkward. I was and still am a nice, kind, and generous kid, but my early years were cursed by the judgment of others. It all started in kindergarten and just snowballed from there on. However, after a long and very difficult process that lasted more than eight years, in which neurologists and numerous psychiatrists tried to find the best treatment for my newly diagnosed disorders, I finally reached the point of balance. From there on, I began to truly develop a more sophisticated, complex, and mature personality, which helped me to gain true friends. Friends that I could completely rely and depend on. With more years came more friends and better relationships. One by one I began to have more friends. Not just friends, but true friends. They were and still are the main reason that I choose to continue on and live my life day by day. Whether the days be joyous, difficult or sorrowful, or just plain heartbreaking, they are the force behind me that pushes me forward and never lets me give up.

During my first day of school at Wilson Elementary School I was shy and very quiet. I didn’t want to put myself out there in the open and seem rude or too different. So I stayed silent except for when other kids or the teacher talked to me. Later on that day in recess I was outside near the property line, which was lined with a dense forest. However most of the trees bore no leaves at the time, but I didn’t care. I just stood in front of the woods staring at the massive trees in awe and curiosity. As I looked down at the ground in front of me I saw a small black beetle crawling through the grass. I bent down and picked it up. Quickly it started trying to escape, but I kept it secure in my hands. I was purely intrigued by the little critter. Its dark body glistened iridescently in the sunlight that seeped through the tree branches above. Before I had started school I had started to develop a strong and passionate interest in insects and nature in general. No sooner had I picked up the beetle, the bell rung. It was time to go back to class, but I didn’t want to put the beetle back. Like most children that find something they like, I didn’t want to put it down. So I kept it in my hands and walked back to the mass of gathering kids. One of the few teachers saw that my hands were cupped. “What have you got Alex?” Mrs. S asked. With pure innocence in my voice I said, “It’s a little black beetle.” She smiled at the innocence in my voice and said, “Well that little beetle isn’t a student so it has to stay outside. Besides, I don’t think it would pay attention to my lesson anyway.” We both laughed at her silly remark and I said, “Okay.” Then I ran back to the woods’ edge and put the insect back in the grass where I found it and ran back to Mrs. Shores’s side. As we were walking back to the small classroom I spotted an earthworm on the concrete pathway. Typically, I knelt down to look at it and smiled innocently. While I stared at it, I neglected to notice a boy walking over to where I was. Suddenly, he stomped on the worm and laughed with a mean tone in his voice. I looked up at him and began crying, “Why did you do that!? It wasn’t bothering anybody!” The big kid just laughed and said, “It was just a stupid worm.” Angered and upset I yelled back at him, “How would you like it if someone squished you and said ‘He was just a stupid kid.’?” Then I ran into the classroom crying. Mrs. S was still standing where she had been and scolded the boy, “That was mean Lee. That’s not how we act in my class. Now I want you to apologize to Alex when you get into that classroom.” Stubbornly, Lee refused and went into class. Inside I was huddled up in a corner hugging my knees and was still crying. Lee simply walked to his seat and sat down. From inside I was still able to hear what Mrs. S and Lee had been saying. I was just as hurt by the fact that Lee had refused to make things right as I was by him killing the worm in front of me. From then on things only got worse. None of the kids would talk to me or have anything to do with me so I just kept to myself. I had no friends and I didn’t talk to the teachers much either. And the whole reason as to why the others kids wouldn’t talk to me was absolutely shallow: because I liked insects. To them I seemed weird and abnormal compared to the rest of the kids. The teachers were growing increasingly concerned.

Paragraph II: Finding the Problem and the Solution

Years passed by and things hadn’t gotten any better. In fact, things were worse. The shyness I possessed hadn’t disappeared. Instead, it had progressively become hidden and was replaced on the surface with anger and irritability. I was no longer the little boy that welcomed new opportunities into his life. Instead I had become a kid who refused to get close to anyone, whether it was physically or emotionally. I didn’t talk to anybody or even try to make friends because I had tried too many times and failed. So I thought the only solution was to seclude myself from everyone. That way I couldn’t get hurt or tossed aside. My new attitude towards things had changed my once joyous personality into a more secretive and separative personality, along with new habits that needed to be broken. By 2nd grade I was diagnosed with epilepsy and acid reflux disease. Of course one was more serious than the other, but both were given the proper attention. Though I was still very young I was put through many tests such as C.A.T. scans, MRI’s, EKG’s, 24hour EKG’s and many more. But I was young and I didn’t understand much at the time. All I knew was that I had a serious problem and the doctors were trying to fix it. I didn’t really understand what all the tests did until later years. On my 9th birthday my various doctors had scheduled me for numerous tests. I had to fast that morning; I couldn’t eat any breakfast. That day wasn’t much fun at all, until my parents surprised me and took me to Burger King for lunch. All these tests were performed to better understand my epilepsy; they had nothing to do with my behavior and social problems. They weren’t painful but nonetheless they weren’t fun either. So that birthday was one I would definitely never forget about.

Paragraph III: Balance at Last

For a period of about six years I was tossed and turned through a ridiculous number of various medications, most of which either had no affect on me or had too much of a drastic effect. I went to a psychiatrist named Dr. M. for five years. He made a major breakthrough with me by figuring out how a lot of different medications would affect me, such as Trileptal and Serequel. These two medications were two separate treatments, but they worked together in a combination that balanced out many things including, appetite, sleep, mood swings and depression. But unfortunately he moved so I had to find a new psychiatrist. Soon my parents found another doctor named Dr. A. I went to him for about a year and a half then he also moved. While he was my doctor levels of milligrams of Serequel and Trileptal were adjusted to perform better. Next was Dr. L, who I’m still presently seeing. He never subscribed me to any new medications; instead he continued to adjust the levels of the medications I was already on. And then finally, balance was achieved. My attitude, thoughts, actions, self-esteem, confidence, and determination all improved drastically until the point where there was no further reason to change the levels.

Paragraph IV: True Friends Become Visible


At the arrival of my sophomore year I began to meet new people and grow closer to people I already knew. For nearly fifteen years I never had true friends I could completely rely on, but that was finally over. I began to develop a more unique personality, I started writing poetry, and became a proud young man. With the help of friends and the outlet of writing I became more casual and layback. Not to mention the things that people said about me didn’t bother me anymore. I just looked them right in the eye and laughed at their insults. I was finally the person I wanted to be. My ability to walk tall and proud had finally shown itself not just to me, but to everyone that knew me.