Like all angsty high schoolers, I was very adamant about not trying new things, and I did everything in my power to stay in my shell.  But ever since I decided to prioritize my faith and develop myself, I let go of that burden.  One of my steps in this process was to let go of any preconceived fears, and just go for it.  Even though my body still demanded I respect it.  This major shift happened during the summer of my rising junior year, where I just stopped caring about what people thought of me and just tried everything that I could.  For example, looking back on my underclassmen years, I was very awkward and confused about who I wanted to be.  One of these experiences that really boosted me was a ziplining experience I had during a church youth camp.  As stated before I was an uncomfortable and quiet person who only talked loud when I was confident which wasn’t often.  One activity I was afraid of was ziplining, as I had a deathly fear of heights and avoided it at all costs. I believed that I could die from ziplining.  For example, my best friend’s birthday party was held at  a local zipline park. When I heard what we were doing, I was a little freaked out but I just brushed it off as it wasn’t for another month.  When the time came for the birthday party, I attempted one small zipline and then sat out for the rest of the 3 hour party.  On my only attempt, at a mere 5 ft above the ground I still shook and only barely made it across.  Instead of actively trying to embrace my fears, I resorted to sitting on the bench while everybody else had fun.  I still bought into the fear.  Another experience happened a few months later during a youth camp trip.  The camp only lasted a day and 2 nights so it was a relatively short affair.  On the way we stopped at Carrigan Farms, a nearby quarry turned water park, where we spent roughly about 2 hours playing around.  Then we headed to camp and arrived roughly ½ hour later.  Following that we unpack and set up camp.  After a hearty meal, we had chill time and then a spiritual devotional.  The following day half of us split-up, some of us started ziplining while the other half started with “duckies” (small kayaks for whitewater rafting).  

I did the “duckies” first and I have to be honest here that I can’t kayak and had zero upper body strength.  This led me to be very behind and depleted.  My muscles burned, and my body ached from playing catch up.  Honestly, I was too tired to be angry at anything.  I just wanted to go home.  Now back at camp, I could finally let go of the stress for a few hours.  But I couldn’t rest for long as my next activity would be ziplining.  The closer it got to the activity, the more my anxiety built up.  By the 3rd hour, I was a nervous wreck with my body convulsing and quivering without restraint.  I have mostly overcome excessive shaking through embracing my fears and breathing but I still shake every time I see heights.  Meanwhile, motivation from others did little to ease my anxiety.  Any attempt to quell the commotion inside of me was quickly diluted by my brain and its primitive nature.  When the time finally came, my leader explained that it was time for us to leave.  After mustering enough courage to submerge the anxiety inside, I picked myself up and followed the rest of the group.  At least by moving I could spend my body's erratic vibrations in a more or less productive way.  As our group trudged forward, my thoughts blazed like lightning.  I was going to die and there was nothing I could do about it.  These thoughts raced across my brain pummeling anything in their path.  Racking my brain with thunder.  I was tired, homesick, and utterly terrified.  After trekking over hill and valley, we made it to the Nantahala Outdoor Center.  The wooden walls of the center don’t really register in my already racked brain.  My body is numb from constant shuddering and now just accepts what's gonna happen….that I was going to die and there was nothing I could do about it.  The instructor told us to stand by our gear.  Then they told us how to put on.  After we all had our gear ready we headed for the bus.  As the bus took off, I could feel my anxiety peaking again like a hunk of flies encased in glue sitting in my stomach.  The bus ride was rugged and only served to worsen my anxiety.  Even though I have been on many bus rides for mountain activities I still don’t enjoy the constant jerking.  Even amidst the swaying bus I pleaded with God for protection, strength, and that I’d be able to enjoy it.  When the bus finally pulled up to a small training zipline only like 4 ft above the ground.  The instructors then explained how to brake properly and had each of us try it.  When it was my turn I clung to the handlebars relying on my strength rather than the tether.  This caused me to struggle pulling my hands off and braking leaving me with minor burns on my hand.  And after a small wedgie due to improper braking.  One of my instructors noticed I was clinging on to the handlebars instead of relaxing “into it.”  This revolutionized my mentality and really allowed me to trust the tether.  Looking back this was the canon event that allowed me to trust in God and the tether and helped me conquer my fear. The fear still dominated but now I felt increased strength to conquer it.  

After digging through these old memories, I’m happy about what I’ve learned and how I’ve grown.  Since then I’ve gone ziplining twice and I love every second of it.  I love the gorgeous views and the bustling air.  I’m still a little afraid every time I attempt it but now I have so much fun!!! I know that God eases our lives and blesses us with strength.  I know that embracing our fears head-on is the way to improve and change.