To My Little Family,

Love can mean different things. It can be love for a game, shoes, clothes but my love is for my family. Everytime I wake up to my son Nekoda in the morning, I love it. Yes, he might wake me up really early but just thinking I am finally what I always dreamt of being, a mother. Watching him grow up so fast breaks my heart. How fast time flies is scary. Never knew what my mother meant when she would say my sisters and I grew up so fast. Mom would say it's like one second we were babies then the next we were full grown adults. Everyone makes motherhood look so easy but little did I know how much harder it is. All the cries for feeding every 2-3 hours, all the diapers wasted, shirts dirty from spit-up, all the messy hair and unshowered smells. Postpartum isn’t that bad they say but, it really is sometimes trying to get back to the way you looked before, feeling tired, smelling nasty so your baby can find you. It can be hard but in the end it is worth it. My sweet angel who I love so much. My sweet innocent baby I know it may be hard for me but I have to fight through it for you. I don't want you to go through what I went through when I was growing up. Your mom and dad love you so much. I don't want you to worry about anything. Your dad and I will work for everything you have, you will have everything you want. It might be hard for us but we will get through it together as a family.  How did I get so lucky to have you and your dad with me to get through all of this. Some people don't have what you have which is both parents. Your  little cousin doesn't but your aunt is working really hard to be there for her and you as well.

My love, how did I get so lucky with you. I never knew this was going to be how our life was going to be. All the time you waited for me to be myself and all the confidence you’ve given me to be who I am today. You have always been there for me when I needed you. I know I'm not perfect but that's how I show my love. You know I don't know much about love but I’m trying for you and our son. You are patiently waiting for everything to go right for you but it will I promise. I really want us to be great together. I don't want Nekoda growing up with screaming and throwing things like our parents made us go through. We both went through trauma that we hate and we don't like to talk about very much because it can be sad but I want him to live in a very calm household and actually want us to be in his future as he grows up. I don't want him to hate us so much that he wants nothing to do with us. All I want is a very strong future with you and Nekoda.

Sincerely Marissa Diaz.