There are more than one million people in the world including you. It has been a year since our breakup and all I can think about is you and how comfortable I used to be with you and with your presence being around me. Sitting in front of the burning red hot campfire I scoot back from the flames, to not burn myself. Surrounded by the people I love the most. We were all having fun talking about our loved memories like when me and Gael, my best friend, used to play soccer and I accidentally kicked her in the face with the ball. I started giggling and took a sip of my blue raspberry Monaco made me start to think about how fun those times used to be. Until one drink becomes two then three and then four which then made me start to remember. I start wondering and asking myself, why can’t I be as happy as they are? Was I the problem in the relationship? I thought maybe drinking would help me forget you, but in reality it's making it worse.

I started to reminisce on how you used to kiss me, you would gently bite my lips, pull away, touch my face and tell me how much you loved me. I can still  remember one of our last dates that we had so vividly. You stood out compared to the other guys--you were not like them. Instead you loved me for me instead of using me. You cared for me, were there for me and comforted me. 

In my room with the super bright lights from my Hollywood mirror I was getting ready by finiship up my makeup when all of a sudden I heard a knock on the door. I looked out the window and it was you. I finished putting on my favorite brown matte lip, closed my door and went to open the front house door. When I opened the door I first saw your face and you had the brightest smile and you looked at me and complimented me and the black dress I was wearing.

“Thank you” I said and we started walking towards your car. As I was about to go and open the door on your black single cab Ram truck, you beat me to it.

 “Let me get that for you,” you tell me with the deep raspy voice of yours as you keep your eyes locked in with mine. Once I got into your car a strong whiff of your signature collage  . You complimented me on how pretty my hair looked while your hand held a strand of my long black hair but I looked away with a smirk on my face from the nervousness that you made me feel. The whole entire car ride we were just vibing and singing along to some of our favorite songs by our favorite latino musicians like Bad bunny, Marca MP, and Marca Registrada. I had no clue where we were going so I was a little nervous but I trusted you. When we finally got to the destination I was surprised to see that we were in a park. 

“What are we doing here?” I asked with confusion but the smile never left my face. 

“We’re having a picnic.” The excitement that he made me feel made my smile grow even bigger.

“I've been wanting to do something like this for a while.” 

“I know. that’s why I’m doing this because I remember you telling me. ” I couldn’t wrap my head on how he remembered me telling him that I wanted to do this type of date, it was just the little things that he would do that made me know he loved me. We got out of the car and as I opened the car door a light breeze hit me and I could smell all of the flowers that were around the park, I could hear the river stream, the birds chirping. Going to get the blankets from the camper of your truck, I helped you get all things for the little activities that we were going to do. so I helped you get everything out. We started walking towards the grass and with every step I took I would step on the daisy’s that filled the whole ground. We didn’t walk for long but I felt like I just hiked a mountain from how fast my heart was beating and the shortness of breath I felt. We had finally got to the top where we started to place everything, all of the target bags, the blankets and the pillows. You helped me unfold the blanket and place the pillows yet you made sure to have them face the sunset that began to fall. You grabbed the target bag and took out the two canvases from inside of them and took out the whole rainbow of acrylic paints, and a whole lot of snacks too like takis, sour patch kids, and some sushi. We began to paint and it was the most relaxing thing I've ever experienced just by the way the paint brushes would make the whooshing sound.  when you went to paint the canvas and just looking at the paintbrush as it was loaded with the juicy paint was oddly satisfying. The slanting rays of the settling sun gave a pinkish and reddish tint to the sky that made that night even better. While we painted we were facing each other so we wouldn’t see each other's paintings till the end. We did talk and we would talk about our future and how we saw our whole life ahead with each other and nobody else. We talked about our future and how we were going to live on a big farm with a lot of land so that our kids have a lot of space to run around in, on how we were going to have a friesian horse and some cows specifically a white with brown spots cow. 

Finally we had finished painting so I said, “on the count of 3 we are going to show each other” He nodded his head. 

“1…2…3’’ we flipped our canvases and I was impressed he had drawn the face of a brown and white baby cow, it was the cutest thing ever. I looked down at my attempt to try to draw a cactus but it looked like a germ

“It looked like a third grader drew mine,” I said. 

“No it doesn’t’’he replied with a small grin on his face.

I could tell that he wanted to laugh and so he did, he busted out laughing and well I did too because the drawing I did was horrible but little did I know that was going to be one of our last times laughing together. 

When all of a sudden I start hearing someone snapping.

“Leslie, Leslie are you okay?’’ Jackie asked. 

“Oh yeah I’m fine you guys just keep talking I’m going to go take a nap” I replied while doing a fake yawn. 

I got up and started walking towards the house but as I was walking up the stairs to get in I couldn’t hold my tears in anymore, I opened the door and slammed it and ran to my room and cramped into a little ball and started sobbing and I began to cry even more. Till this very day I don't understand what I did wrong that made you decide to break up with me. 

“I never lied to you, you literally meant the whole world to me, I poured my whole heart into that relationship and for what, for you to get up and leave?’’ I thought to myself as the tears rolled down my face, A lot of my happy memories were with you. I feel like that is why I’m so hurt by the thought of you. Then reality hit me. I was too busy loving you and enjoying our endless moments, while you were busy trying to mold me according to your whims and fantasies…