I am living in a world of madness. There is crazy all around me, swimming in the river down the street, floating through the air for me to inhale, and when I do, it intoxicates me. Madness is everywhere that I am, but mostly, it is inside me. My mad thoughts are out of my control, and I can't help but think them, even when I try to tell them to stop. My stomach twists and turns with each new breath I take. Each beat of my fragile heart is another pound of the gavel, confirming my worst fears. I am haunted.

It was never quite like this. Sorrow used to fill my lungs, but somehow it would always escape one way or another. Some boy would come and sweep me off of my feet. But then I thought of you, and the feelings came back. The thoughts would creep like tiny little bugs; they'd feed off any bits of happiness I have left. I can't take care of anything for myself anymore, because you've taken complete control over me, and I am afraid.

The first time we ever talked, I knew that there was something deep about you, something that I could drown myself in, if I wanted to. And I did. That was all I ever wanted, and what I wished for I recieved. Sometimes I wonder, if I went back and relived that day, and didn't approach you, would I be happier? I doubt it. My happiness comes from the misery you feed me. Every lie you tell is another jab to the heart, like a lightening bolt, but it's exactly what I need to live on.

Pain is everywhere. It is everything. But it is nothing. It is all I know, or at least all I can remember. Though awful, I love it. I love you, therefore I love pain. See how simple that is? I want for nothing more than your love, yet, if you actually provided it, I fear I'd miss the pain. It's like a mask that I can not take off. It is stuck forever, just as I am stuck on you.

I've tried to escape this wretchedness. You think that I want it to be you. You think I want to get in the way of everything that you've worked for. That's not true. You need me just as much as I need you. You feed off of my pain, and sometimes, but only sometimes, you show remorse. You show me the parts of you that are normally hidden. The sides that love me, and miss me, and regret not winning me over when you should have. So funny it is, that now, all of the sudden, you drop hints like bombs into my world. You blame me. You take my words and twist them, so that everything you do is my fault, and I so willingly accept responsibility, because that means that you are thinking of me, for once.

But now I wonder. I question everything you do and say. Was this really meant to be? We love each other more than ourselves, yet we hate each other. The loathing I feel for you burns brighter than the fiery passion that bubbles in my airways, every second of every day, all for you. I so easily contain myself, but the bubbles are building. I'm well on my way to an explosion, and you're not going to recover from this one. You run, you push me away, you hide, you disguise yourself. But it's not working. Something stronger than both of us keeps us here in this cycle. You are the half of the puzzle otherwise known as me. I can not live without you, and when put together, we are invincible. I just wish you would actually give me the time of day. I miss you, I love you, and I can't go on like this.