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Only a Woman MAG
“My Lady, Octavian is here.” Neferura, my only loyal servant, was in a panic. “It will only be a matter of time before he finds you here.”
“I won’t hide any longer. Bring my paints, my best red sheath, and my most expensive jewelry. I’ve charmed two Roman men; there’s no reason I can’t charm this one too.”
Neferura bowed, then ran out of the mausoleum I had been hiding in for the past few months. Had it really only been a couple of months since everything had gone wrong? Our fleet was destroyed at Actium, Mark Antony took his own life, and now the Emperor had arrived in Egypt. If I couldn’t charm Octavian like I charmed Julius Caesar and Mark Antony, then I would soon be returning to my mausoleum as a corpse.
Neferura returned with all of the things I had requested. She helped me wriggle out of my plain white sheath and into my sumptuous red one that left little to the imagination. Then she brushed my tangled black hair, pinned it up, and slipped my wig of a hundred ringlets into place. I sat very still as she outlined my eyes in kohl, used henna to redden my lips, and covered the dark circles under my eyes with powder. From the small selection of jewelry she brought, I chose a silver circlet with a huge red jasper stone that hung on my forehead, bracelets of electrum, a belt of moonstones, and rings of lapis lazuli. I looked at myself in the small bronze mirror Neferura brought and smiled. I looked perfect, as usual. Now all I had to do was make Octavian agree.
“You manipulated a good Roman man into turning against his own country,” Octavian said to me warily.
“Me? I am just a woman. What influence could a woman have over a strong Roman man?”
Octavian spluttered at my words; he was not buying into my story. And he definitely wasn’t falling for my body like Julius and Mark had. My intelligence only threatened him, so that definitely wasn’t helping my case. Time for Plan B.
“You need a powerful ally in Egypt; I can maintain control over my people. Let me remain Pharaoh, and Rome will reap the rewards.”
For the first time in our meeting, Octavian smiled. “Cleopatra, you are an intelligent woman. Tell me, why would I need a powerful ally in the newest Roman province?”
“You’re annexing Egypt?” I gasped.
“Of course. I have no wish to quell the rebellion of yet another tempestuous Eastern Queen.” He snapped his fingers. “Take her away, but do not harm her. I wish to display her at my triumph when I return.”
The Roman guards marched me at swordpoint to a tiny room in the palace that had been a guest room. Before they locked me away for good, I turned to face them and suggestively lifted my sheath to reveal my right calf. One of the soldiers hesitated, but the other pushed me into my prison and slammed the door behind me. To my surprise, Neferura was there, setting up a simple cot by the door. Seeing me, she bowed before speaking.
“I convinced the guards to let me tend to you. My Queen, what will you do now?”
“I am going to deny Emperor Octavian his greatest prize.” I smiled reassuringly to hide the fact I was ready to break down and cry. “I don’t care how you do it, but bring me an asp. I’m going to die with the honour that befits the last Pharaoh of Egypt.”
Neferura nodded and I could see the tears in her deep brown eyes. I walked over to her and pulled her into a hug – a breech of station on my part. But I didn’t care; I was about to die and I needed to thank her for her complete loyalty to me. I felt the tears running down my face, but I let them flow. After all, if I had my way, I wouldn't be here much longer.
After Neferura retouched my makeup, I was ready. She had smuggled the asp past the guards by hiding it in a basket of figs. I reached in the figs and nearly smiled in triumph when my fingers closed around the asp’s cool, smooth body. It hissed as I pulled it out of the basket. Good, it was already annoyed at being kept under the heavy figs.
Its eyes stared coldly at me as I stroked its head, enticing it to bite me. Finally, it struck my wrist with lightning speed. I bit my tongue to keep from crying out in pain. When the snake let go, I quickly dumped it in the fig basket and put on the lid.
Within minutes, my breathing became laboured. I lay down on the bed and carefully composed myself. I was going to die with dignity, the way a Pharaoh should. My last breaths were steeped in agony, yet I was strangely happy. I had thwarted Octavian, denying him his greatest prize.
But my happiness didn’t last long. The gods in Judgment Hall were calling for me, Queen Cleopatra, the last and greatest Pharaoh.
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This article has 258 comments.
I've read this before, and this is just excellent. You have a great talent in writing. Everything looks perfect. I didn't find any mistakes.
This definitely deserves an Editors' Choice award.
Keep writing! :)
Hi! I'm pretty sure I've commented on one of your pieces before, but if not, I review with a "Stars and Wishes" method. Stars are things I liked, while Wishes are things changeable, confusing, out of place, etc.
Stars: I loved the strength and power portrayed by Cleopatra in your words. It made her seem like a real person, not just a name accompanying dates in a History textbook. I really and truly felt like I was there, hiding with her, facing her same dilemma.
The description was great, too. You did a nice job of describing Cleopatra herself, but also the premise of the story. It was very interesting to add in.
Finally, the bond between Cleopatra and Nefurura felt very real, especially at the end. I could feel the emotion emanating from the words.
Wishes: It's honestly hard for me to find something "changeable, confusing, out of place, etc." in this work. I can't find anything wrong with dialogue, description, or anything grammatical. Very impressive!
Well done! I really enjoyed this, and I am not a fan of Historical Fiction. Great job! 5/5!
Historical Note: Although we know him today as Octavian (or Caesar Augustus), in his time, he was known as 'Gaius.' I didn't want to fight convention by using his Latin name because that would just confuse everyone. I hope you like my story! Tell me what you think of my portrayal of Cleopatra in the comments.