Dear Anonymous FBI Agents,

We have chosen you, despite your anonymity and unknown whereabouts, to perform this extremely dangerous and difficult mission.  We assume that you are the most qualified agents there are, because you are so well hidden and secluded from the world.  We here at the FBI Head Quarters actually don’t even know where this letter is going, when we told the mailman that we needed this important message to be sent to extremely qualified and preferably youthful looking undercover FBI spy agents, he simply assured us that he would take care of it and to expect a reply within 23 business days.  Mailman, if you are one of the undercover agents we needed, we applaud you for your clever disguise.  We all do.
We cannot let you know the purpose behind this mission, and hope that you will trust us, the FBI, enough to go through with this.  Of course you will.  You always will.

Your Disguise: an average looking high school sophomore

Your Location: the first rural high school you can find

Mission Goals: to find out what the gray-haired and elegant looking English teacher is hiding, to take daily pictures of the staff-room refrigerator, to earn decent grades, and to make three new friends

Mission Duration: from whenever you start to whenever you have achieved the mission goals

We have included a short list of high-school survival tips that we compiled from the internet to help you ease into the nostalgic environment, and to keep you safe.  We all know how high school can be, am I right?

Tip #1: Don’t procrastinate!  Homework is fun, and should come before everything else, because nothing else matters.  Make sure you answer all the questions correctly and with enthusiasm.  After all, homework scores and class participation count for 60% of your overall grade!

Tip #2: Make sure to hang with the right crowd.  Do not go towards the people who are wrong.  Do not even look at the people who are so, so, terribly wrong.  There wrongness will linger on you, and then the right people will not accept you.  Your decisions are permanent.  Do not stray, do not disappoint your parents, and do not disappoint yourself.

Tip #3: Respect your teachers.  Teachers put a lot of time and effort into creating lessons and teaching you things, so you should treat them how you would want to be treated.  Do not look them directly in the eyes, do not ask questions, do not misunderstand, and do not come to class without a pencil!  Students being unprepared is a major pet peeve for teachers, and can result in something horrifying.

Tip #4: Just have fun!  School is important and what you do now will define you for the rest of your life, but that doesn’t mean you can’t quietly joke with your friends during lunch, or silently pass notes expressing your undying love for your high school sweetheart.  Just do it quietly, and make sure that nobody sees you.

Review those tips carefully, anonymous and very qualified FBI spy agents, they will keep you safe.  Going back to high school can be difficult; it will remind you of all the risks and opportunities you didn’t take, like not asking that girl to prom, not taking that advanced art class you qualified for, not actually being yourself for fear of indubitable rejection.  It will be difficult, but if you can manage to disconnect your emotions for the duration of this mission, you will be fine.

Please respond to us, anonymous and extremely qualified FBI spy agents.  We will be waiting for your confirmation via postal mail.  If for some reason you are unable to send us physical letters, our email address is [email protected].  Use “I Am an Anonymous and Qualified FBI Spy Agent” as your email title. 

We hope to hear from you in 23 days.
Sincerely and with love,
The FBI